


I'm Drowning (in your love)

by CrazyBeCat



Series: Writer Bingo Challenge Two [10]
Category: The Devil Wears Prada (2006)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hopeful Ending, Hurt, Mirandy Year of Fun & Frolics, Pain, Relationship Trouble, Whispered Thank You, Writer Bingo, established Mirandy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-10
Updated: 2018-04-10
Packaged: 2019-04-21 07:20:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14279835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrazyBeCat/pseuds/CrazyBeCat
Summary: Andy has something to ask of Miranda. Will it be the start of change, or the start of pain?(Edit: This is a prequel to "I have a little secret" but I cannot put them into a series together because they are in their bingo challenge series. Apparently I should have made this more clear. Note to self for next time lol)





	I'm Drowning (in your love)

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy it!  
> If you squint, this is a prequel to "I have a little secret" but can easily be read on its own. (Edit: this is very much a prequel to it! But they are also written to be stand alone pieces. You don't need one to read the other.) Though I recommend if you haven't read "I have a little secret" do so! Lol I am shameless.  
> Written for Bingo Card Six: Whispered Thank You.  
> I also have another fic I hope to post today, so keep your eye out and send me good vibes!  
> Lots of Love,  
> CBC!

Andy felt the tears prick at the corners of her eyes as she finally spoke, breaking the painful and stiff silence between her and her lover, “I love you. Miranda, I love you so much that sometimes it hurts to breathe. I see you laugh, or I see you smile, and my whole body reacts to it with pure happiness. I love you, but I am dying in this relationship.”

She sniffed, and wiped a hand across her cheeks. “I know you love me. I can see it, in your eyes when I tell you, when you say it back. But I don’t think we’re healthy for each other, especially right now. You’ve been shutting me out. Making me carry the emotional weight of it all. I feel like I’m drowning, Miranda. I feel like I’m drowning in our love, and I don’t know what to do to fix it. I don’t know if I’ve done something wrong to trigger a response in your defenses, or if you grow tired of me. I don’t know anything about that, because we aren't communicating anymore. We're biting and cruel and fighting. And I am dying, Miranda. I’m so tired.”

She never broke eye contact, watched as those sweet baby blues became red rimmed and watery, remained connected even as their hearts broke. She could feel it in her chest, thumping so slow, thumping so painfully. “I can’t live like this. I deserve better. You deserve better. You’ve been so tense coming home, and we’re both geared up to fight. Our dynamics have changed, and it’s making us toxic, and I don’t ever want to hate you, Miranda. So I need to go. I need to end this now, and give us the distance we so obviously need. We keep trying to cling to what we had when we first started, but we aren’t doing a very good job trying to work through the problems.”

The tears were falling freely down her face, but her voice remained steady. If her voice cracked, she knew she’d never be able to continue. “I’m going to spend some time away. Go to Ohio and see my family. Give us both some real and genuine space to think. I’ve gone ahead and decided to schedule an appointment for Monday with a therapist, and I’m going to see if that can help me. I ask that you do the same, Miranda. Please. Because if we can’t figure out how to fix us, how to fix this, how to work through our problems without cold shoulders and fiery anger, then I don’t think we’re ever going to last, no matter how much love is between us. I can’t keep drowning, Miranda. You can’t keep shutting yourself down, because you’re going to implode. I love you, and I know you love me, but love isn’t enough. It has to be a choice that we work at to keep alive, or the love will wilt and fade away into hatred.”

Reaching out, shaking as she took Miranda’s hand between her own, she said, “So, let me go, don’t call, don’t text, no emails. I’ll be gone for two weeks out with my family. Two weeks, and I leave on Tuesday. Radio silent. I’ll text you fifteen days after Tuesday, and ask if you want to talk. And please, I ask that you only say yes if you are fully committed to the work we need to do between us. I only want you to say yes if you are fully committed to therapy on your own or as a couple, to communication, to work and choose to keep our love alive. I love you so much, I want to give us that chance, but we both need time away. I need time, Miranda, to calm down and talk with a therapist. I ask that you take this time to decide how you’re feeling, and if it’s worth it, or if it’ll never be enough. I won’t love you any less, either way. And if you choose not to answer, then maybe a few years down the way we can be friends, if we cannot remain lovers. And if we do our absolute best, and it doesn’t work out, then we can say we made that effort, that we were fully committed, equally committed, to making changes, and we don’t have to live in shame or regret of what could have been.”

Miranda swallowed hard, Andy could see it, could watch the bob of her throat. She was silent a moment before she said, very quietly. “Ok.” A tear slipped down her cheek, slow and nearly invisible. “Ok.”

Andy finally cracked, a soft sob breaking through, as she leaned the rest of the way forward, resting her head against her hands holding Miranda’s. “Thank you,” she whispered, “thank you.”

Miranda’s free hand moved to rest against Andy’s head, and Andy felt that little sprig of hope in her chest grow just a tiny bit. Maybe they would have a chance, maybe they could work it out, and be able to stay together.

**Author's Note:**

> I'd love to hear what you thought!  
> As usual, I didn't have a beta, so if there's a glaring error, PLEASE let me know. lol.  
> Lots of Love,  
> CBC


End file.
